he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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