I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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