so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
