is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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