i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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