i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
