I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
birth control should be required to get into college
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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