I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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