what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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