You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize