never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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