I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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