Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize