I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
