Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
