You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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