Do you still have your period?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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