Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
