I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
