yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
