im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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