just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
