There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
