Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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