dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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