You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
