sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
well you can't waste a boner
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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