This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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