its not stalking. its research.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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