I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
