god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
