the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
