Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize