It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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