I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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