Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
