Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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