i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
ugly people sure do ruin things
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
