nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
