So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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