Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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