New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
