he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
