At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
