i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
