You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My ass is underappreciated
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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