FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize