TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
