you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
