this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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