were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
