did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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