i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
