Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
What a dumb baby whore.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize