He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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