saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize