your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
