I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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