Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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