I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
