Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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