It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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