just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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