babies were throwing up all over the place
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
